I can stare at you in the mirror
Trying to get complete answers
Captivated by the wrinkles and crows feet
Plastered in a blank look
Cracked in spratic ways
dark lined eyes of intensity
Thinking about the day
My fist in the mirrored face
seven years bad luck
But I see a new place
Broken several times
In which I embrace
Mirrior skewed my grin
To one of several pieces
And thinking of sin
A rush of passion
Running through my veins
feeling of rage
And release
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There are some really connected images in this piece, which tie together nicely, especially with the mirror symbol. “Cracked” in line 6, “Broken” in line 12, and “Mirror skewed my grin” in line 14. When I read line 14, I got a stark image of a Batman character, actually – Two Face. Instead of having the face vertically bisected, as in Batman, the face of this speaker is doubled in different planes (take your face and touch your nose to the mirror – viola! You have two faces!)
ReplyDeleteInteresting irony is contained in the first stanza where the speaker says he or she sees something incomplete (line 3), but the mirror at this time is not yet shattered. As the poem progresses, an actual, physical separation occurs (line 9). Perhaps this notion of seeing something “incomplete” in the first stanza is a foreshadowing of events that arrive later in the poem. Well done.
There is a struggle for the speaker apparent in this poem – a constant back and forth of holding together and breaking apart (stanza 1 no image is physically broken, but is perceived as such, while in stanza 2, the image is physically broken, but we find the word “embrace” – a holding together). I struggle a little with the back and forth – and perhaps I’m supposed to – but in stanza 2, the speaker says the fist in the mirrored face and bad luck, yet by the conclusion of the stanza, we see the word embrace. Do these sentiments tie together? Should they? I have a hard time feeling that the speaker truly embraces anything.
And – interesting choice to have the speaker grinning in line 14. Based on the lines that follow in the final stanza, the word “grin” greatly alludes to deviousness (connected to the sin). I almost want to see this grin from the start – and see it change somehow in each stanza as the poem progresses and as the mirror breaks… this may offer a more connected, symbolic change as the speaker reflects on the mirror reflection.
Another idea is to hone in on the concept of what a mirror offers – a window to the soul (not to be cliché). Only a person’s eyes provide a window to the soul – but a mirror gives us the opportunity to see into it ourselves. I would really try to cast the poem in this frame (without saying that this is the frame in the poem). The speaker is not seeing a physical self; rather, the speaker is seeing his/her soul manifest. Thus, I would not say what the speaker is thinking (in lines 8 and 6) – I would show what the speaker is thinking, which you have already started to do by focusing on the wrinkles, crows feet, plaster, and grin. How else might someone see their sins using a mirror?
Great concept!
Grammar stuff:
Spelling of mirror, wrinkles and lack of punctuation throughout the poem. (I know many do not feel the need to punctuate their poems, but I have to credit Fairchild with this advice – punctuation helps a reader read your poem’s music or time. This is, of course, your own artistic choice to make.) I do not know if you intended to capitalize “Crows.” I also do not know if you intentionally used the numeric 7 (as a reader, I would prefer to see it spelled out).
Thank you Katie. I made some adjustments. Let me know.
ReplyDelete