Shallow lines
Carved in my hands
Like paths of rough terrain
Curved, cut, spiraled
Throughout my palm
Mapped like a river
Cutting through a mountain
Making turns and breaking
Developing a trail
Lines defined
And ceased
Like a minute hand fading time
Away canyon
Created jagged
And white-water rush wrenching
Creating a landmark
Of lines that define who I am.
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Great combination of similes. I can get a good sense of the process you are describing, both on a small and very personal level and on a large natural scale. Well done.
ReplyDeleteThis is a poem for reading out loud. It comes to life. I LOVE this poem. Many concrete images to create a vivid picture in my mind. I think the tie to a landmark is so creative as well! I love this "landmark of lines" - so great.
ReplyDeleteOne question: in line 9, is it "trial" or "trail"? Either works! I'm just curious. The only other suggestion would be with your opening line... shallow as opposed to deep. Are these lines really shallow?
Overall, I love reading this poem!!
Thank you both for comments. My task is to improve what I have and keep moving forward. As time goes on I am sure I will get to where I want to be. The funny part is I wrote Lines of Identity and Victim long ago. All others are recent. You can tel I was emerced in literature at those moments. I plan on getting in more literature and I am sure this will help and any comments on fture items will help. Awesome.
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